It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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