i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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