Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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