In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Drunk is not a location!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
