Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
