one two three fourrrrnication!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
