I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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