i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
