I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
