do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
