I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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