I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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