new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
