the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
