Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
