he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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