nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
