Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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