theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
