dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize