on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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