I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
