If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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