Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
