I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
