I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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