I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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