I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
