all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
