update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
