Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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