for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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