Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
