I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
