I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
