if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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