There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
