youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
