I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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