Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
