my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
