Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
