If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize