Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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