Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
