Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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