I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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