maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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