nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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