if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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