Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
