we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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