so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
