but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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