I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
