I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
