you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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