he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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