I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
