so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
