i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
