are you still at the devil's house?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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