I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
