Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
